LOVE -- The Course They Forgot To Teach You In School
Thursday, 19 October 2006
- About the Book
LOVE -- The Course They Forgot To Teach You In School by Gregory J.P. Godek
published by Casablanca Press
a division of Sourcebooks, Inc.
Ever wonder why you studied all that geography,
calculus, and chemistry when the skills you need most in life have more
to do with chemistry of a different kind? Let's face it: school prepares
us for the world of work; no one prepares us for the world of love. And
yet for most of us, it is our close personal relationships that have
the greatest impact on whether or not we are happy and fulfilled in life.
Most of us
have figured out basic relationship skills (after some groping in the
dark), but we don't see the same need for "continuing education" as
we do in our careers. That's where Gregory J.P. Godek comes in. A relationship
instructor for nearly 20 years, author of the phenomenal best-seller "1001
Ways to Be Romantic," Godek is the dean of student affairs in the
school of life. "LOVE -- The Course They Forgot To Teach You In
School" is
his textbook. And, yes, it's required reading.
This book is intended for couples who have a working relationship they
want to make better. It won't help you salvage a disastrous match, nor
will it transform a lukewarm romance into burning passion overnight.
Rather, it will help you raise your relationship grade by one full level
if you make any kind of serious attempt at doing the exercises in the
book.
Love -- The Course They Forgot to Teach You In School
by Gregory J.P. Godek
INTRODUCTION
Is your relationship making the grade? Find out with
this fun, free guide. The Relationship Report Card allows you to grade
yourself and your partner on a number of very specific skills that contribute
to successful relationships. It measures behavior, not character. It
is a technique for allowing you to focus on specific aspects of behavior,
one- at-a-time. It does not judge personality! You're not a bad person
if you have a C+ sense of humor; and you're not a superior person if
you have A+ communication skills.
The goals of this exercise are: 1) To raise your awareness by giving
you an objective look at how the two of you act as a couple, 2) To identify
strengths and help you appreciate them, 3) To identify areas that need
improvement, 4) To help you and your partner see yourselves through each
other's eyes.
THE RELATIONSHIP REPORT CARD
by Gregory J.P. Godek
Affection ==> You
_____ Partner _____
Arguing skills ==> You _____ Partner _____
Attitude ==> You _____ Partner _____
Commitment ==> You _____ Partner _____
Communication ==> You _____ Partner _____
Considerateness ==> You _____ Partner _____
Couple thinking ==> You _____ Partner _____
Creativity ==> You _____ Partner _____
Financial responsibility ==> You _____ Partner _____
Flexibility ==> You _____ Partner _____
Friendship ==> You _____ Partner _____
Generosity ==> You _____ Partner _____
Gift-giving ==> You _____ Partner _____
Honesty ==> You _____ Partner _____
Household management ==> You _____ Partner _____
Listening skills ==> You _____ Partner _____
Lovemaking ==> You _____ Partner _____
Patience ==> You _____ Partner _____
Playfulness ==> You _____ Partner _____
Romance ==> You _____ Partner _____
Self-awareness ==> You _____ Partner _____
Self-esteem ==> You _____ Partner _____
Sense of humor ==> You _____ Partner _____
Sensitivity ==> You _____ Partner _____
Spontaneity ==> You _____ Partner _____
Other:_______________ ==> You _____ Partner _____
Other:_______________ ==> You _____ Partner _____
Other:_______________ ==> You _____ Partner _____
Other:_______________ ==> You _____ Partner _____
Other:_______________ ==> You _____ Partner _____
GRADING SYSTEM
A = Passionate, exciting, fulfilling; not *perfect* -- but
clearly excellent
B = Very good, solid, better-than-most, consistent, improving
C = Average, adequate, acceptable, okay, ho-hum, static
D = Below average, dismal, unhappy, bad -- but not hopeless;
worth working on-for a little while longer
F = Hopeless, dangerous; tried everything, didn't work; run -
- don't walk -- to the nearest exit
After nearly two decades of experimenting
in my Relationship Seminar, I have found that the "A through F" scale works much
better than either the "1 through 10" scale or the "4.0
scale." Most people recognize *instantly* the meanings of
letter grades. And, I've observed that most people have very
specific emotional reactions and memories attached to each
grade. And this, I believe, gives this exercise more impact.
Be careful! Some people may be inclined to use the
Relationship Report Card to criticize and judge their
partners. Don't do this! It is a misuse of the tool. Just as
a hammer can be used to either build houses or break windows,
the Relationship Report Card is a tool that needs to be used
with care. If you use it with love and honesty, it will work
for you.
Also, some people may use the Relationship
Report Card to judge themselves, and end up feeling guilty. Don't fall
into this trap. We all have strengths and weaknesses, so why not
just face-up to it?! (In seventeen years of administering the
Relationship Report Card I've never seen *anyone* get "straight
As"!)
Yes, it's often difficult to look at your shortcomings, but only by looking
at them honestly can you possibly make improvements.
INSTRUCTIONS: How to Use the Relationship
Report Card
Most people take six to ten minutes to complete
the grading process. (Although some folks fly through it in sixty
seconds, and others ponder it for a good half hour!)
Remove all distractions -- such as phones, kids,
and other sources of interruption. You'll get more out of this if
you can give it your full attention.
Make two copies of the Relationship Report Card:
One for you and one for your partner.
Each of you grades yourself *and* your partner.
The order in which the skills are listed is not
significant in any way. I've found that it simply doesn't work to
try to rank the skills. (Is trust more important than communication?
Is honesty more necessary than commitment?) Thus, the skills
are listed alphabetically simply for convenience.
Note: Your mindset for doing
the grading should be one of honesty, pure and simple. Your focus
should balance recent behavior with long-term patterns of behavior.
Do not "spare
your partner's feelings" by giving him or her a grade that is
higher than you really feel he or she deserves. That is not a
loving thing to do. Look, sometimes the truth hurts a little.
That's okay. Nobody said relationships were easy. If you're
too "nice," you're not giving your partner honest feedback.
On the other hand, don't use the Relationship Report Card to
beat your partner over the head for some mistake he or she
made ten years ago! That's not fair, either.
A note for those of you who are reluctant to grade
your partner: Think of this not as making judgments, but as making
evaluations and observations. Getting Bs and Cs doesn't make
you a bad person! Remember, we all have the best of
intentions, and yet we act inconsistently. As human beings,
our actions are often at odds with our professed beliefs and
values.
Regarding choosing grades: your first inclination
is probably the right one. Rely more on your intuitive side --
your gut reaction -- than on your analytical side.
Use "pluses" and "minuses" to
fine-tune your grading. (A "B" is clearly a "B",
but a "B+" is nearly
an "A" !)
During the grading process,
do not talk with your partner about the grades you are giving.
You may talk, joke, and comment on the process -- but don't share
your grades until later. Let me suggest specifically that you may
want to clarify with your partner any questions you may have about
what specific skills mean. You may take as long as you like
to discuss how each of you interprets various skills. You
need to agree on the definitions of all the terms so that
you're not comparing "apples to oranges"; that would
invalidate your comparative gradings. Note: I have purposely not
defined the skills (although you can get my opinion on most of them
throughout this book). There is great value in your discussing your
viewpoints with your partner.
Customize the Relationship Report Card. There are
blanks at the bottom of the form where you can add topics and skills
that you consider to be important. After all, it's your life and
your relationship! As you add new topics, inform your partner so
he or she can add them to his or her Relationship Report Card.
Suggestion: I recommend that you use a pencil --
so you can change your mind, and so you can repeat the exercise in
a week (or a month -- or a year!). Look at what changes, what stays
the same, and what lessons you are learning.
When you have both completed the grading process,
compare your grades. Start at the top of the list and share the grade
you gave yourself and the grade you gave your partner.
Note: The goal is not to get "straight As." Anyone
who gives himself or herself straight As will probably be brought
down to earth by his or her partner! And anyone who gives his or
her partner straight As is either blinded by love, still a newlywed,
or is simply trying to butter up his or her partner!
For each skill, discuss the discrepancies between
how you graded yourself compared to how your partner graded you.
Some questions to consider: What was your reasoning behind the grade?
Are you satisfied, dissatisfied, happy, embarrassed, or proud of
the grade? What might you do to get a better
grade? What kind of help or support would you need to improve?
What kind of help can you offer your partner? Might the two of you
need outside help (a friend, counselor, minister)?
Our grades remain fairly consistent over time --
unless, of course, we consciously work to improve ourselves!
GREGORY J.P. GODEK
is the America's premiere teacher of relationship skills. Best known
for the phenomenal bestseller "1001
Ways To Be Romantic," he has helped millions of couples
renew and revitalize their romantic relationships. Greg's advice about
bringing love to life has made its way into newspapers, magazines, radio
and TV broadcasts. He has taught the basics of romance to viewers of
The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Phil Donahue Show, and Good Morning America,
among many others. He was recently named a spokesperson for the Romance
Classics cable TV network.
A firm believer that love isn't
a matter of luck -- it's something you can learn -- Greg has been teaching
Romance Seminars for 18 years. He works one-on-one with couples to
help them create the kind of love they've always dreamed of.
After ten years of teaching he wrote his first book, "1001 Ways
To Be Romantic." His newest book, "LOVE -- The Course
They Forgot To Teach You In School," makes the teachings from Greg's
seminars available nationwide. The lessons are simple,
and the homework is fun, so why not take a class with the leading expert
in improving relationships and order your copy
today? You'll be very happy you did.
